In this latest parenting resource post, we reflect on a topic that’s very near and dear to us — paternity leave for gay couples. My husband Kevin and I have full-time jobs (outside of our blogging duties). We were lucky to both get 3 full months of paid paternity leave.

If you’re like us, you’ll likely have a lot of questions on the best way to handle your leave. Should you take it together as a couple? Or do it separately to stretch out the coverage? Is it best to take all 3 months at once? And should we plan a little getaway before the chaos of endless diaper changes and bottle feeds? Hmm, we’re pretty sure you can guess our answer for that last question!

We just wrapped up our 3 months of child bonding. It feels just like yesterday that we were suddenly awoken at 4 AM — driving frantically from our place in West Hollywood to Pasadena — making it just in time for their surprise early delivery.

We certainly learned a lot by going through this process ourselves. We’ll break down the many pressing questions you might be asking yourselves. We will also share our tips from our time off from work. Believe it or not, I didn’t want to kill Kevin even once. And I’m sure he’d say the same for me. Right Kevin? Wait, he’s not writing this.  I guess we’ll never know! But we both know there is only one right answer to this…

Paternity Leave For Gay Couples: Should We Do It Together?

This was the very first question we asked ourselves — and one that many couples had differing opinions on. Many of our co-workers suggested taking it separately to stretch out the coverage. However, we both felt pretty strongly that we should do it together, so we could learn together. Plus, having twins is a lot of work. And frankly, putting all the pressure on one person just seemed like a lot of work.

Our recommendation is to have an honest conversation about whether you and your partner can work together for 3 solid months. We felt pretty strongly that this should be a shared experience or a partnership — learning the right thing to do together. Or sometimes, making the wrong decisions. Plus, each of you can bring a very different perspective to the process. For example, my husband Kevin is the planner and basically read every book on how to get the babies on a proper feeding schedule. As for me, I’m the entertainer and loved singing and entertaining the babies. I’m just glad Kevin didn’t record any of this in the process!

We took our paternity leave during the pandemic so regardless, when we did have to start working full-time again, we’d already be at home. It almost made it easier returning to work at the same time since we both already knew the schedule for the day and could adjust our full-time work accordingly.

Should We Get Help During Paternity Leave?

One of the biggest concerns we had about becoming parents was having to sacrifice doing the things we love. Could we still have a romantic night out? Do that morning yoga class together? Or just have a moment to get outside for a break. Having help is vital — particularly during the first 3 months.

We will be the first ones to tell you that we were clueless on how to raise kids. Someone could have literally pointed at a child that was 1 month old and said he was 1 years old and we would have believed them. Seriously! But whether you have family you can lean on, or hire a night nurse or nanny, you’ll need to get some rest and a break. It’s not just healthy for your babies but for your relationship. Trust us, having an extra set of hands is everything even if you’re not back to work full-time.

Should I Take All My Paternity Leave At Once? Or Take Some Now And The Rest Later?

We both have strong opinions on this question. Without a doubt, we believed the best way to handle our paternity leave was doing it all at once. Think of it this way, can you start a project and stop midway through? Would your work be okay with you being there for a few weeks. Then only to hand off your projects just as you’re gearing back up again? In our cases, we both felt that leaving for those 3 months all at once would be best for our work (and our own sanity). Also, there is the chance that once you do go back to work, you’d feel the pressure of staying. One of our co-workers took 1 month of paternity leave initially, and then planned to start it back up after returning for a few weeks. But guess what? He left the 2 months of fully paid paternity leave on the table — since he got so wrapped up in his projects.

As we told friends (and strangers alike who never asked!), we truly loved our paternity leave and having this time together as a family. What other time in your adult lives will you have time off of your work to truly just bond as a family? And share the moments of your baby’s first few months on Earth?

Should We Plan A Trip Before Our Babies Are Born?

Without a doubt if you can afford to take a trip (and the time off of work), you should take the time. The key is to take the babymoon well ahead of your child’s birth. Our babies came 5 weeks early — yes, 5 weeks! We had twins, so we weren’t completely surprised they came early. But 5 weeks? Luckily, we took our babymoon about 2 months ahead of their expected delivery.

Even though we figured we’d be safe taking our babymoon 2 full months ahead, we decided to keep our travels relatively close. Consider doing a romantic road trip with your partner. In our case, we did a 2 week road trip through the southwest, hitting up Sedona and the gorgeous national parks like Yellowstone and Arches. Trust us, you’ll think back fondly on these trips — a time when traveling seemed a lot easier (and certainly didn’t involve so much stuff!).

We hope we answered some of your pressing questions on paternity leave. And that our journey helped shed some light on the answers that work best for you and your family.  Enjoy your time on paternity leave. For us, it was like we blinked and the time was over!

Considering doing surrogacy like us? Check out all our coverage on Adventuring Dads on how to approach the surrogacy process. Feeling overwhelmed by having kids? Trust me, I know where you’re coming from. Check out our 3 step approach on how to do surrogacy including all the pros and cons. Finally, afraid you’ll have no life after kids? Read our feature stories on how you can incorporate kids into your busy travels.