If we could offer one piece of advice for new parents it’s this — preparing a baby timeline. So many parents we know get buried in the weeds on the surrogacy process. It’s very easy to forget the all-important prep work needed leading up to your baby’s arrival. In fact, my husband Kevin and I nearly missed some pretty major items in preparation. Luckily, it all got done in time (thanks to Kevin’s mom who sounded the alarm). Let’s just say, one of us was holding out as long as possible on converting the “home gym” into the nursery… Any guesses who?
But what should a baby timeline look like? What are the must-do action items? And how do you prioritize when you’re busy working all day (or riding your Peloton!). Don’t worry, you won’t need to skip out on those rides or work deadlines. In fact, preparing a baby timeline is to help you ease into the stress of becoming parents. You can never be too prepared, especially if your babies are born early (5 weeks ahead of time like in our case).
In this latest blog post, we break down the timing so you don’t need to go straight into panic mode. Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time for that when you get the call that your surrogate has gone into labor. I still don’t know how I managed to avoid getting a speeding ticket that morning. By no means is this timeline comprehensive. Instead, we focus in on the major items you can’t miss when that special day arrives.
Preparing For A Baby Timeline: What Is Essential?
What is the most essential item to your baby timeline? It’s simple. Factoring in enough time. But clearly this is something easier said than done. We loved our condo’s set up. It was the perfect place for our non-baby lives. But you’ll need to eventually embrace the baby chaos. There is no turning back! Your life will change and that’s going to be a good thing. We can’t imagine our previous life now — with furniture that isn’t stained and a living room floor that is packed with baby toys and pacifiers to trip on.
We’ll break it down month by month — starting at 6 months ahead of your baby’s actual planned birth date to full term. That way, you are fully ready to go if your babies decided to throw you a surprise welcome. No joke, we literally finished packing our hospital bag just 3 days ahead of their birth. Yes, the joys of being fully prepared!
6 Months Ahead of Baby’s Birth: On The Baby Timeline
Six months is the perfect time to start planning out your baby registry. At this point, you’ll likely be cautious about sharing your baby news. Babies (and first-time parents) need a lot of stuff. This is where the baby registry comes in handy. There are several sites you can choose from, but we particularly liked Amazon’s baby registry since it makes it easy to track all of the items you want (and best of all, perfect for easy returns). Save those boxes, since you might think you want an item and later change your mind.
No matter how technologically impaired some of your friends or family might be, there is a very good chance they have an Amazon account. We say keep it easy to maximize the generous gifts from your friends and family. At 6 months, you’re already ahead of the game if you do this step. It is also an evolving one so you can add and remove things as needed (as you’re ready to make your list public).
Stuck on what to include on your registry? Check out our registry list here. We used about 90% of the items we received (which we’re happy with that percentage). And we were able to return just about all the items we didn’t use for Amazon credit that can go towards getting baby formula or diapers that you’ll need an endless supply of.
4- 5 Months Ahead: Planning For Help
One of the biggest concerns we had about becoming parents was having to sacrifice doing the things we love. Could we still have a romantic night out? Do that morning yoga class together? Or just have a moment to get outside for a break. Having help is vital — particularly during the first 3 months.
We will be the first ones to tell you that we were clueless on how to raise kids. Someone could have literally pointed at a child that was 1 month old and said he was 1 years old and we would have believed them. Seriously! But whether you have family you can lean on, or hire a night nurse or nanny, you’ll need to get some rest and a break. It’s not just healthy for your babies but for your relationship. Trust us, having an extra set of hands is everything even if you’re not back to work full-time.
Why plan this far ahead? In short, nannies or any type of night nurse or au pair are in hot demand (especially with so many parents working from home). Also, it’s challenging to get into many daycares especially if you have twins. If you’re considering your own family to help, you need to have that honest conversation whether this will be feasible for everyone. Babies, especially twins, are A LOT of work. So having clear expectations with family should be worked out at this point.
4-5 Months Ahead: Read Up on Baby Books
Ask any parent for their advice on books to read, and you’ll have a list that will likely cover you through 5 pandemics! I mean, who knew there were so many options? Kevin in particular read dozens of books (while I did a lot of skimming). While a lot the advice is repeated in different formats and words, one thing will become clear — you need to have a viewpoint in raising your kids. This is essential whether you’re doing it yourself or hiring someone else. In the end, you need to be the driver in making sure your babies are happy and healthy.
If you’re like me, and would rather read an actual novel than instruction manual, there is one book that is recommended more than just about any other (and is a life saver). It’s Happiest Baby on the Block. Best of all? It’s short. And if you truly don’t want to read it, the lessons are available on YouTube in a 1 hour video. This book will be your lifesaver during the first 3 months of your baby’s life, showing you how to get them to stop crying within minutes. It’s a miracle!
3-6 Months Ahead of Birth: Lay The Foundation And Tell Your Network
At 3-6 months ahead of your baby’s birth, there are a lot of items we think you should start planning out. If you have a full-time job, you’ll need to tell your supervisor and co-workers within this window in order for them to prepare for your departure if taking leave. And without a doubt, you should take that paternity leave if you get it. When else in your professional life will you have this quality time with your baby? But should you take it together or separately? All the time at once or spread it out? We have strong opinions on this subject. And go into great depth on the best ways to maximize your paternity time in a previous blog post here.
As for telling your work network the big news, there is some debate on when this should be done. Some people share the news as early as 6 months. However, depending on your situation and comfort level, you may want to scale this number. For us, we waited to tell our work until 3 months from birth since we wanted to be 100% sure they were well and healthy. In short — definitely hold off from sharing the news until you’re at least 6 months out, but no longer than 3 months. Find that happy medium in between that works for you.
3 Months Ahead: Collect As Many Hand-Me-Downs As Possible
Have friends or co-workers who had babies? Hit them up! This is the time to get as much free stuff as possible. And trust us, your friends and co-workers will be happy to unload, especially if they’re tight on space. We welcomed everything and anything — especially since we had no idea what we would use and what we wouldn’t. But order is key (despite the chaos of the photos). Purchase containers and separate the clothing by age (infants, 6 months, 9-12 months, etc). We are pretty much set on clothes until they are 2 years old! And we were able to return so many items on Amazon, from all these generous gifts. Don’t feel bad about asking friends or coworkers. It’s sort of the secret parents code of paying it forward.
3 Months Ahead: Meet With Potential Pediatricians
Not all pediatricians are created equally. And finding the right pediatrician that you can trust and you know will be there for you is key. Typically, during non-COVID times, you can meet in person. But while we were looking, everything was over Zoom. We debated should we go with a small, private practice? Or a large one that often comes with a concierge fee? The first step in choosing your pediatrician is finding someone close to you, as a matter of connivence. You’ll be meeting with your pediatrician frequently after birth and having your doctor close by is essential especially if there is an emergency. In LA, we went with Beverly Hills Pediatrics. There is a concierge fee, which we admit, wasn’t ideal. But we knew it was the right practice within minutes of chatting with Dr. Inessa Grinberg. She took the time to answer all our questions, and Kevin certainly didn’t hold back!
2 Months Ahead: Take A Baby Class To Learn The Ropes and Connect With Other Parents
This is the rare time where you can suck in all the knowledge without all the screaming and distractions to come. We recommend checking out local parenting advice groups in your area. We live in LA and were thrilled by the advice we got from the Pump Station. We took an online course for parents to be — where we could ask all of our burning questions. In fact, it sort of felt like our own private session as we took over and even showed all the baby products we bought. Come prepared with your list of questions to maximize your time. Otherwise, you might have people like us taking over the Zoom meeting!
2 Months Ahead: Get That Nursery In Order
It was my job to get the nursery together. Okay, so I might have been dragging my feet. I just loved having a home office/gym. But reality had to set in (with Kevin’s mom calling!). If there is one thing you need, it’s a nursery. And you should have this set up 2 months ahead of your baby’s birth JUST in case they come early. It will feel so good once you do it. Designate one of you to take lead on this, and stay on top of it! Don’t want to drastically re-paint? I hear you! I ended up just getting these easy-to-stick decals that I got off Etsy.
I added in some stuffed animals, cute “adventure” posters that I ordered off Etsy and purchased an organizer from Target to store all of the toys and clothing.
Essentially, I wanted a soothing space. And one that would cushion the sound of crying as much as possible! Our place isn’t very large, and we value sleep (who doesn’t?). That’s when I took on a craft project, ordering these professional-grade soundproofing tiles off of Amazon — decorating them with letters of the alphabet and animal shapes that I hot-glued on. All of these items can be found at a local craft store.
2 Months Ahead: Take A Babymoon Escape
Kevin and I love to travel. And deep down inside knew that our traveling lives would forever change with kids. We laugh at some of the awful backpacking lodges we stayed at in our 20’s. And the adventure travels that were not even remotely baby appropriate. Pandemic or no pandemic, we recommend taking a babymoon (and one that isn’t too far away from your baby’s hospital). We considered some further, more exotic destinations. But felt like a road trip adventure, visiting Sedona, Ariz., and Yellowstone, would be the best option. In fact, we layout our top favorite things to do on a babymoon on our sister blog here.
A babymoon might not be on the top of your mind. But you’ll look back on this moment as an incredible slice of time — where you and your partner were able to connect as a couple without the stressor of babies.
1 to 2 Months Ahead: Contact Your Hospital
The babies are ready to pop any moment. But what happens when they do? Wait, can we just show up at the hospital? (No!). Be sure to call the hospital you’re planning to have the babies at — and discuss arrangements. Questions you should ask include:
- Who can be at the birth?
- Who gets a room? The surrogate? You as the intended parents? Or both?
- What paperwork (e.g., the birth order) do you need to provide in order to show who the birth parents are?
- Are you allowed to leave the room? Or are you inside the hospital for good once you enter?
- Is there a social worker who can advocate upon your behalf?
For surrogacy, the rules not only vary by states but even by the particular hospital. In fact, some religious-affiliated hospitals have issues with same sex couples (something to consider). We ended up going with Huntington Hospital in Pasadena given their strong reputation and having a world-class NICU. This was a fantastic place to have the kids, and our boy ended up staying in the NICU for a few days. Luckily, we had no issues as all of our arrangements were worked out with these initial calls.
1 Month Ahead: Practice Taking Your Baby Seats In and Out
This was something that Kevin thought of doing and I honestly haven’t seen this advice anywhere. The one vital thing you’ll need when leaving the hospital are your baby car seats. We had several people tell us that we should get them installed by a local fire department. But luckily Kevin decided to just attempt it himself. The last thing you’ll want to do after your babies are born is figure out how to get them in and out of the car. Also, some hospitals (including Huntington where our kids were born) require you to bring the entire set up inside the hospital to do a car seat test. That means you’ll have to re-install it yourself eventually. We couldn’t imagine doing this on the fly. So do yourself the favor and practice putting in the car seats ahead of time (and force your partner to do the same).
1 Month: Pack Your Hospital Bag and Have a Plan For Your Pets
Once again, another piece of advice we didn’t think of until the very end. What happens if your babies are born at 4 AM? What do you do with the dog? We ended up spending a full week in the hospital and weren’t permitted to leave because of COVID. We couldn’t exactly just ditch the dog. Make sure you have a fall back plan, which will involve leaning on some friends or family to help you out. We ended up texting our friends (who were fast asleep) and asked them to take the dog.
You should also have your hospital bag ready — planning for at least a week’s worth of items in case your baby ends up in the NICU. Essential items are toiletries and comfortable clothing. But don’t forget to bring fun things to do like books, games or other items to keep you entertained. We also brought some snacks since hospital food can sometimes not be the tastiest.
Baby Birth: Now What?
You made it to the end of your baby marathon. But guess what? The real journey is just beginning! Our time in the hospital can only be described a a blur. I still am not sure I’ve caught up on my sleep! We often call our time there as “baby bootcamp” — where we spent days changing diapers, feeding them and swaddling. Be sure to maximize all the free stuff — don’t be shy. Some nurses are more generous than others. We suggest bringing an extra bag with you to get all of the pacifiers, formula (which is very expensive), diapers and swaddles you can handle.
Considering doing surrogacy like us? Check out all our coverage on Adventuring Dads on how to approach the surrogacy process. Feeling overwhelmed by having kids? Trust me, I know where you’re coming from. Check out our 3 step approach on how to do surrogacy including all the pros and cons. Finally, afraid you’ll have no life after kids? Read our feature stories on how you can incorporate kids into your busy travels.
